People get old....

Sometimes it is hard not to see my parents as they were.
But I also have to face the fact that they are tired, and getting older.
My mum is frailer and there are moments when she looks her 83 years, and needs to
rest (which of course she doesn't) and my dad has to do more and more, and he gets tired. One day they won't be here and I will find that incredibly hard. I will miss the wit and charm of them. Their minds are razor sharp. They discuss world affairs with more intelligence and wisdom than people half their age- being journalists it is hard-wired into them. We have a good relationship. It has been hard won and we like each other. My friends find it unbelievable that I can spend two whole weeks with them whenever I can. They find it hard to spend more than a few hours with their parents. I think it is because my parents are so good at being on their own. They like being independent even of each other, and then coming together for meals with bits of news to share. Like birds bringing bits of nesting back to their home.

So I am lucky. Very lucky, and I know that luck runs out. And so I am mindful of every minute I can spend here and bask in their comfortable toing and froings.

cy twombly

Have just seen something that has reminded me of Cy Twombly.
Why oh why do I love his work? It bypasses rational thought and his work gets straight to my heart.

My lover raises his eyes to heaven whenever I mention this. He has no idea why a set of scribbles can make me weep with joy.
But they do. He pierces my soul. I am going to get over to the Tate Modern and see him the moment I am back from my holiday.

time to go

Now is the time to hit the road.
The bags are packed, the cats sorted. Tomorrow we go. We go to a place where we can walk along the beach, swim in the pool, eat fresh food, and feel for a few days time slow to the speed it should be lived at. I shall read voraciously. I shall go to the beach in the morning armed with my Guardian crossword, order a cappuccino and marvel at the sunlight on the water.
Today, I kissed my lover goodbye. I shall miss him and enjoy the exquisite pain of missing someone who is still in my life after two years. But I shall also enjoy my freedom. My chance to edit the novel and the play and spend time with my daughter. I can hardly wait.