let myself down again

Photo a day... what with uploading, etc , taking the photos? Failed miserably....

Still, did a bit more editing on my novel, and started new story. Can't be a complete disaster.
And daughter enjoying her work experience, pretending she is at Vogue, and important. She is going
to a casting tomorrow.... what fun.

Keith

Bit of a cheat today's picture. It hasn't been taken by me but it is of someone I knew when I was about 23. And I have just learned that he has died at the end of last month. Heaven knows why in this school picture he is surrounded by girls, but then it seems strangely fitting. I had quite a crush on Keith- a saxophone player in a band led by a dear friend of mine. But ours was not to be a relationship. Just ships passing in the night. But I did inadvertently introduce him to his wife. He met her at one of my parties. One of those desperate occasions when you hope the light will dawn at your party that you are the girl for him, but find to your horror the light instead reveals another , and you are forced to witness the man of your dreams meet the woman he will fall in love with, and it isn't you. I am sad he has died so young. He was very talented. And no he wasn't for me. But something must have marked me in the exchanges we had. I chose another saxophone player in the end.....

sorry pic didn't upload yesterday.
OUt searching for today's

Daughter back. Lovely as she is , was enjoying my space and peace on my own. I do not get enough.
Thoroughly irritable today as was she. Miserable day brightened up by this sight.

Bad mood. Have lost a favourite denim jacket. Have a cleaning lady who manages to leave stains on carpet that nothing will remove. And daughter who has been with her dad for a week has come back and I find it hard to get back into being the person who is irritating to her in all ways. And I am irritated with her. I want to scream. I also want to be alone again, just for a little while. In a space I can breath again. Does this make me a bad mother I wonder?
Brent Cross again today. Bungies were in force. Photo of the day. The ceiling at BC.

Thursday's Photo - Dance night

Liked the idea of a photo a day by the man in America. Seen in the Guardian G2 yesterday.
In 1979, a young New York film student called Jamie Livingston decided to take one Polaroid image every day of his life.
Here is last night's.

Cy Twombly piece

A few days ago my daughter's friend came home from being away a month. She is 17 has had ME for two years, and went away while her home has had all the rot removed from it and is being repainted with waterbased paint. She came home to a house in chaos, and paint fumes that stopped her breathing and sent her heart racing. She is now here with me and her best friend (my daughter). It is lovely to see her and frightening to see her so ill. She lies on the sofa watching DVD's with M who hasn't seen her best friend for 7 months even though she is a five minute walk away. She talks of the anger and pain of losing friends who don't call and she feels forgotten, except by my daughter who has called her every day for the last two years. This has been a terrible experience for her, she has lost so much weight due to food sensitivity which leaves her in crippling pain. She has to have oxygen three times a day. But then she chats to my daughter about dancing , and boys and I think for a short pocket of time she is interacting with another teenager and there is absolute normality back again. We love her. I really hope she will be better soon. I think her parents are now totally penniless and beside themselves with worry.