Dips and Curves

No idea why I named this entry that but my unconscious seemed to come to the fore there and I have decided to leave it as it is.
Have been on a rollercoaster of an emotional time. Firstly I experienced a sudden boredom with the man I adore. So much so that when I heard we couldn't see each other on Friday because his wife was back in town, I nearly whooped for joy. Surely something is wrong there? I remember a therapist noting once that he wondered if I entered into relationships just so that I could experience the wonderful feeling of liberation when I left them. It is the only thing I remember him saying that really seemed to jump out at me like a neon sign. Something about that is true I figure, though I don't like to admit it. I am no doubt doomed to be a very lonely old lady, it's the problem with a low boredom threshold. Anyway I had my Friday to myself and proceeded to jot down another 1000 words. Today another 1000. I am hellbent on finishing first draft by March and at the present rate I am well ahead of target. I can see the downward stretch. One major and difficult scene left, and then some tying up of some loose ends.

I have a character in my novel, who is not in much of it, no more than two or three chapters, but whose affect is to electrify the page. What I mean is she lives. She jumps out and demands attention. I wondered for several months what the point to her was. I didn't feel inclined to kill her off, or edit her out, she was too wonderful, but where oh where did she belong and why was she there at all? Well over the weekend it came to me. She is the truth teller of the story. Everyone else is sinking in wrong perspectives and she is the one who gets what is going on. I am very happy to have some answer to her existence. She has an authentic voice, and I am appreciating it.

At the weekend I saw my friend Dave. It is odd to have a lover who I see during the week days, and Dave who is a platonic friend who I seem to see when I don't see my M.M. I feel as though if I could only combine the two somehow I would have the perfect relationship. A man who desire, and a man I can talk to, really talk to about everything. Oh and one who is single would be nice. Why my life seems to split into these compartments I don't know. Anyway, I am beginnig to feel that things are about to change. Not sure how yet, I am just taking things day by day and not forcing anything. That and getting on with the novel.

Interestingly I have not been writing by hand in these last few weeks. All has been done on the computer. Not sure why this is but it seems to be going well.